Check your stories TM

Why stories matter at work

 

The stories we tell ourselves do not stay inside our heads. They shape how we show up in conversations, how we interpret feedback, how we respond to pressure and how we make sense of other people’s behaviour.

 

At work, unchecked stories can affect:

• Confidence and self-worth

• Communication and trust

• Feedback and performance conversations

• Conflict and difficult conversations

• Leadership behaviour and decision-making

• Psychological safety and team culture

• Resilience and emotional intelligence

 

When we learn to pause and check our stories, we create more space between what happens and how we respond. That space can help us choose a response that is more constructive, respectful and aligned with the person we want to be.

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Common stories we tell ourselves

 

Stories about ourselves

• I am not good enough.

• I do not belong here.

• I am going to fail.

• I should already know how to do this.

• Everyone else is more capable than me.

 

Stories about other people

• They do not respect me.

• They are deliberately making this difficult.

• They should know better.

• They are not listening.

• They do not care.

 

Stories about situations

• This will never change.

• I have no choice.

• This always happens to me.

• If I speak up, it will make things worse.

• There is no point trying.

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Not all stories are wrong, but many are incomplete. Checking our stories helps us slow down, test our assumptions and choose a more useful response.

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The Check your stories™ process

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Name the feeling

What emotion am I experiencing that doesn't feel like me on my best day — anxiety, anger, frustration, shame, defensiveness, fear or something else? This often involves noticing physical or physiological changes (e.g. racing heart, nauseousness, tight shoulders).

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Notice the story

What story am I telling myself about this myself. the other person or the situation?
 

Test the evidence

• What evidence do I have that my story is true?

• What am I assuming?

• What else could be true?

• Is it helpful?

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Choose a more helpful response

• Is it possible that there's another way to think about this?

• What response would move me closer to the person, leader, colleague or team member I want to be?

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​Download the Check your stories (TM) worksheet

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Check your stories™ in coaching

 

In coaching, Check your stories™ can help clients explore the beliefs, assumptions and internal narratives that may be affecting their confidence, performance, relationships or career decisions.

It can be useful when someone is:

• Preparing for a new role or promotion

• Navigating self-doubt or imposter feelings

• Responding to feedback

• Building confidence and resilience

• Preparing for difficult conversations

• Making career or leadership decisions

• Trying to understand patterns in their behaviour or relationships

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Check your stories™ in conflict and mediation

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e:

• “They are trying to undermine me.”

• “They do not care about my workload.”

• “They always dismiss my ideas.”

• “They should know why I am upset.”

 

Sometimes these stories are based on real experiences. Sometimes they are assumptions. Often, they are a mix of both.

 

In mediation, conflict coaching or facilitated conversations, Check your stories™ can help people slow down, separate facts from interpretations, understand impact and prepare for more constructive conversations.

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Check your stories™ workshops

 

Check your stories™ can be delivered as a practical workshop or included as part of broader training in:

• Emotional intelligence

• Resilience

• Psychological safety

• Difficult conversations

• Feedback and performance conversations

• Leadership development

• Team building

• Values-based behaviour

• Conflict management

 

Workshops help participants recognise the stories that shape their responses, practise testing assumptions and apply the framework to real workplace conversations.